|
T_K_Shadow
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Tony
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Columbus
Birthday: 6/26/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: Writing, reading, sleeping, dreaming (oh yeah!), anime (Cowboy Bebop, all Gundam, Samurai Champloo, Wolf's Rain, etc.), playing video games, observing people, studying people, contemplating life and all its aspects, women (hehe, I'm a guy), and listening to music (rap, rock, jazz, country, R&B.......if it sounds good, I'll listen to it).
Expertise: Thinking WAY too much!!!!!!!!
But aside from all that, I consider myself a good friend and one helluva good listener. Whatever problems you got, you can rest assured that you can come to me to talk about them.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  shadowumbrus
MSN: tonyk1807
Yahoo:  scarlet_rhapsody2000
Member Since:
5/20/2004
|
|
| It just occurred to me that I never finished speaking my mind about everything that's been going on with me. So let it continue.
The job: Well, it's........ummmm.....a job. Granted, I'm glad I have a job right now, considering the state of the job market and the economy as a whole, but it still makes me wonder......is there something else I could be doing besides spending eight hours a day getting screamed at by various people across (and outside of) the country? Again, I like the job for what it is: a job. It puts food on the table, and it gets the bills paid. Apart from that? Not much else. I know it won't be what I do for the rest of my life. That much is a guaran-damn-tee. But it's just trying to figure out what I should be doing with the rest of my life that's got my balls in a vice.
Oh, yeah. I'm also working at Max and Erma's as a second job. Yep, I have TWO jobs. It's a wonder I'm not dead yet, know what I mean? Especially considering that the one I work at is a disaster in perpetual motion. I won't go into all the gory details, but I will say this: at the end of every shift I work, I leave feeling like my soul has just been torn from my body, chopped up into tiny little pieces, and shoved down my throat. And I mean that.
So, um........anybody hiring? Hehehehehe.
I don't really have much else to say right now, but I'm sure I will later on. Just keep your eyes open, and keep a bottle of whiskey nearby.......because by the end of my next post, I'm sure you're gonna need it.
Until the next mouse click.......catch ya later. | | |
| So you guys haven't heard from me in almost 3 months, right? Yeah..........more changes. A LOT more changes........
If you'll recall, in my last post, I had just recently acquired a new job, a new car, and was about to acquire a new place of residence, yeah? Well, I got the place I was looking for. Nice little place: one bedroom, carpeted bathroom, and for only $429 a month. I only pay about $50 on average a month for electricity, and that's the ONLY utility I have to pay for. It's a pretty cozy little place, I like it, it suits me.
In other news.........
Remember that pretty little Malibu I told you I got back in November? TOTALLED. You wanna know how? I got stuck in a freak snowstorm in the middle of February, rolled over a patch of ice on the freeway, spun my car out, and smacked into a concrete median! My entire driver's side in the front got scrunched up! At least the display in my car had the decency to tell me what fluids I had lost during the crash: brake fluid, wiper fluid, tranny fluid........motherfucking piece of goddamn plastic sarcastic bullshit.........
So, yeah, I had to get another car. This one is a 2003 Buick LeSabre. Yep, I went back to Buick. No more bullshit. Only nine thou for this car.
But here's the catch: My insurance company took care of the price for the rest of the car. My GAP company was supposed to get the rest, right? Well, they did, but just a little bit too late. AND they're not even taking care of the interest that built up on the loan because they were late in processing the refund check! So now I'm delinquent on the account, AND my credit report's probably taken a hit! Yeah, I'm gonna take care of the rest of it (whenever I get the 60-plus dollars that I still owe on it), but it's just bullshit! Oh, well. If I catch it in time before it gets too out of control, I still have time to recover. | | |
| Well, well, well, now. How have you guys been? It's been about four months since my last post. Betcha missed me a lot, huh? Yes? No? Ah, I guess not. I have been away for a long time, and now look. It's a new year. Yep, it's 2008. And dear GOD, have I been through a lot these past few months. So......where should I begin?
I know! Why not pick up where I left off before and work my way up from there? Sound good? Alright, here I go!
When I last left you guys, I was still working the same job at Nationwide, with the same ratty car, and still living with my dad. Remember all that? Well, NOTHING'S the same! First off, I got a new job! Yeah, never thought it would happen, huh? In November, my friend Alan got me an interview at this place where he works called CheckFree. It's out in Dublin. Ohio, that is. This was around Halloween time. Now, for the weeks prior to that, I'd been doing the same old thing: wake up, go to work, head over to ODU, spend some time with Ashley, then come home at like 1 or 2 in the morning. Never really saw my dad. Not bad, right? Well, my dad caught me before I had to go to work one morning and told me that he was gonna start making me chip in for rent. Try to teach me a little responsibility and money management skills, right? Yeah. I had the money for the first month after that. But keep in mind, I hadn't really had much of a chance to see him and let him know how I was doing that, and I didn't know exactly when he needed the money. Also, there were some times when I would come home and walk right in on the beginning (or end) of one of my dad's booty calls. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't nailing your boss a quick way to get yourself in some serious trouble? Oh, well. As long as he can handle the fire, it's not my place to judge. I didn't offer up any input as far as that was concerned. But again, it seemed like I always ran into the two of them......warming up or cooling down. So, again, I said my hellos and goodbyes and got out of their way. Well, come Halloween morning, my dad stops me again on my way to work and asks me if I'm still looking for a place. I said no, not at the moment. Then he tells me I should start looking again. Basically, he put me out. Apparently I'd been avoiding him, and I didn't offer up the cash for the rent, when it was that very week that it was due. A little pissed? Nope, I was REALLY pissed! So what did I do? That morning, I called up Alan and Jason and Zeb to see if they'd let me stay with them for a while. They said okay. So I went to work, got off work, cleared the air with my dad, and then called up the guys to come help me move. Bye, Dad. That was the first change.
The second big change happened that weekend. That Saturday, to be precise. November 3rd at around 4 that afternoon. I had gone to visit my mom for a few hours, but then there was this graduation party across town that I wanted to go to. So I left my mom's place at around 4 that afternoon. I drove down the street and was getting ready to cross over Main Street to get to the freeway. I stopped at the end of the street I was on. No stop sign, no traffic light, no nothing. There was another car who wanted to turn onto the street I was on, and he was blocking my view from the left. So I inched out a little bit to see some more, and so he could have some room to turn. I swear it was clear, so I went ahead to make that left turn, and that's when I heard the screeching of the tires and saw a blur of red headed my way. I didn't even want to see the hit, so I turned away and waited for it. It seemed like forever until........
BLAM.
The impact slammed my head against the driver's side window, and I think I lost the next five minutes of my life. All I remember is the sound of metal on metal and a crazy mix of colors. I think I remember trying to kick my way out of the car, stumbling around, and holding my head. I looked at the damage.......and almost cried. My driver's side was completely caved in. The front wheel on that side was warped over the axle. Basically, my car was FINISHED. I called my mom, since she was right down the street, then I called 911, then I called Ashley, then I called my dad. After I stated my case with the cop on the scene, he gave me a citation and then I went to clear out the car as much as I could. Then I watched a tow truck hoist my car up, and take it away. And that's when I broke down. Ashley and my mom did their best to calm me down, but there would be none of that. That was basically the final nail in the coffin. That's what it took to finally make me crack. All the pain, all the stress, all the frustration of everything I was going through at that time finally made me break down. For the next few days, I was nowhere even close to being right. Every time I closed my eyes to go to sleep at night, I kept seeing that truck coming toward me.
Does anyone ever completely recover from that? Ever? I mean, it could have been so much worse. That was a Chevy Silverado that hit me. If it had hit me any harder, I might have had my legs broken. I could have broken the window with my head and sliced my head open like a grapefruit. I could have cracked my skull! I could have been killed! But I made it out with only a cut on the head and sore muscles and bones the next morning. That's all. Nothing else. Somebody was definitely smiling down on me that day. I think it brought Ashley and my mom closer together as well, which is great. Well, not for me at the time because I lost my car and almost my life, but you get the idea.
So here's the technical shit: My car, my prized 1989 Buick Century that I spent over a month saving for, the very first car that I ever owned, was gone. TOTALLED. And on top of that, the accident, according to the cop, was my fault. I was cited for failure to yield. But check this out. The guy that hit me HAD to have been speeding. Had to have been! If you smack into another car going under 35 miles an hour, especially if the car you hit was made out of steel like mine was, you will not - WILL NOT - cause the damage that was caused to my car, especially if it was a truck. That truck was definitely going at least 45 or 50, and it was a 35 mile an hour zone! Did he get cited? NO. Not a goddamn cent. Why? Because even though he was speeding, he still had the right of way. FUCK THAT!!!!!!! I shouldn't have to pay a hundred dollars and some change because some asshole was barrelling down the road like a rock star, and for what? To test drive that truck! Yeah, you read that right! He was test driving that truck! And on top of that, HE went to the hospital for injuries! I found this out the following week. Some soft tissue damage. What a pussy! He had an airbag that I know went off! The only damage to that truck was on the front bumper and maybe to the radiator. That's it! Eh, oh well. At least he didn't sue.
So I had no car. I still had to get to work in the morning. What to do? Stayed with Ashley at the school to at least put me closer to downtown so I could bus it for the next week. That entire week revolved around me picking up my life and starting over. Restarting, rebuilding, and recovering. I started working on a battle plan to come back from everything that happened. First step? New wheels. I squared things away with my insurance company; they totaled my car, and offered up a reimbursement check of 900 bucks. Mind you, I paid 800 for the car. So I actually made about 100 bucks off of that accident. How bout that? So I took the check, put it in my account for bills and stuff, and started hunting around for a new car. I found one: a 2006 Chevrolet Malibu LS. Sleek black, medium-sized sedan. Beautiful. I haggled the dealer down to about 11 thou. I had piece number one in place. Next piece? The job.
Remember how I told you guys back near the beginning that I had a job interview at CheckFree? Yeah, that interview was set for the week AFTER my accident. And it was all the way out in Dublin. Hahahaha, right. Funny trick. Alan came to pick me up from work that evening to take me there. So I went, kicked ass at the interview, and then I waited for their call-back. That callback would determine where I went with the car. So I waited. They called me back the next day and offered me the job. Naturally, I said yes. Naturally! I mean, it was a full-time PERMANENT job! With benefits! What's not to love about that? So after I said yes, then I told the guys at Nationwide the good news. Next step? Call the car dealer, Chris. Called him, said YES to the car, then went to the dealership after work to sign the paperwork. Love how that whole domino effect thing played out? I worked that out PERFECTLY.
So the next week, which was my last week at Nationwide, was bittersweet. I spent that week training my replacement. It was really sad. I mean, I'd gotten my start with these guys. But it was time to move on.
I started training on the 19th. New car, new job. A lot to learn. I was in training for about a month. All paid. Beautiful. This'll be my third week as an actual associate and not as a trainee. I love the job, I really do. It's a lot to learn, and I'm still learning. They give us about three months to get into the groove. That's a lotta time, and at the same time, not really. I'm gonna have to bust my ass, but I can do this.
There's a couple more angles that I still haven't completely hit yet, so just bear with me.
Now that I've got the car thing figured out, now that I've got the job thing figured out, what else do I have to worry about? Oh, I know. A PLACE TO LIVE. Now, I told you a little while ago that I've been staying with my friends Alan, Jason, and Zeb for a while now. It's been cool. Well, kinda. See, it's a little cramped. I'm basically staying in the laundry room right now. Kinda pisses me off, if you really wanna know how I feel about it. Okay, it REALLY pisses me off! Now, I know I came into this whole thing a little late, and that Jason, Alan, and Zeb already had this set up on their own, but even so......I'm in the fucking laundry room! No space, no plug outlets for my stuff.......nothing. Nothing but a bed, a pile of clothes that's been sitting in the exact same spot since I got here, a heater, a sewage/sump pump, and a washer and dryer. That's all. That's where I've been for the past month. That, in addition to some recent developments which I just cannot and will not deal with anymore, have led me to one important decision...........
I HAVE TO GET OUT!!!!!!
It's just time for me to go! The whole purpose of taking this year off from doing anything school-related is to figure out out what else I want to do with my life, you know? Get a little taste of the real world, try to get myself established, all that good shit. One major step is having my own place to do that in. And I think I found one. So.......in the next month or so, I'm gonna take it. It's affordable, and it's in a good neighborhood. Right by the freeway as well, so I can still move around relatively quickly. I may have to make some adjustments considering that I'll be a little farther away from work, but it's still not that bad, I don't think. I mean, I'm still primarily heading North, and I'm still close to everything, so it'll work out. I basically drive for 15-20 minutes to get to work anyways, so who knows? This might be quicker! I'll just have to see how this works out.
In other news, I might be a little closer to......well........popping the question. Ashley and I just celebrated our one-year anniversary, which is a really REALLY big deal to me. We may not have been able to really celebrate it like we wanted to, but it still meant a lot to the both of us. I mean, after everything we've been through this past year......that's a very big deal. I mean, we made it! The first year is usually the worst one. I know now that she's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Granted, we have our disagreements, but that's no different from any other good couple out there. We work through it all, and we grow from them. That's what you're supposed to do, isn't it? But anyways, I think I may have already picked out a good engagement ring to get her. Well, more like SHE picked it out, but I really like it. I think it suits her. I'm gonna go check it out sometime this week or next week so I can see it for myself.
Okay, did that catch you guys up a bit? I really hope so, because that was a lotta fucking writing, hehehe. Oh, yeah! I forgot to do my end of year wrap-up! I'll make this quick since you guys pretty much already know how I'm feeling. I am gonna work a lot harder to make a name for myself in this huge-ass world. I think I've already made a pretty good start. I'm gonna be true to myself and what I want out of my life, because I only get one life and I'm not gonna waste it. I'm gonna live the best way I can for me, I'm gonna get the most I can out of life, and I'm gonna enjoy it all. ALL of it.
So.......expect to hear great things about me in the near future. Phase three in the life of Anthony T. Korneagay Jr. begins now. Goodbye, 2007.....hello, 2008, the year when my world changes again.
Until the next mouse click........catch ya later.
| | |
| So I'm getting really tired of being everyone's punching bag. Seriously. I feel like I'm being stretched in so many directions, I can't even tell who's pulling me anymore. I feel like there's so much pressure weighing down on me, I'm surprised my shoulders haven't cracked yet. I've got my family wanting me to do one thing over here, I've got my friends wanting me to do another thing over there, I've got my girlfriend wanting me to do something else over here.........
With all due respect, guys...........BACK OFF!!!!!!!
I don't mean to be a prick about this. I really don't, because I love each and every last one of you. But I can only do so much at once! I can't be there for every single person in the world at once. I know of only one person who can do that, and last I checked, I can't walk on water, so it can't be me. But I digress. I've been so aggravated and frustrated and stressed lately that I can barely even think straight on most good days. Any day that I don't break down in a shaking, sobbing fit is a good day for me nowadays. This is crazy! I haven't slept welll in over two months! I can't keep doing this to myself for much longer. My mind is a mess; I'm considering seeking professional help for all this. I'm tired of trying to make sense of all of this on my own. I know what you guys are thinking: "You're a melodramatic moron. You're fine. You can take it." Grrrrrrr...........you guys have no idea.
I stopped to think about this a couple days ago when I finally had a little free time to think. (Or play video games.........you get the idea.) I've barely given myself any time to just relax and be me for a change. It's been a while since I'd actually sat down to just be stupid, play a video game, watch TV.......you know? Not having to worry about who needs me to do this or who needs me to go here......it was good to just wind down and chill for a change. Even though I was just basically sitting in one spot for about three hours, tapping buttons on a controller, killing brain cells along with the terrorists on the screen, I enjoyed it because it didn't require thinking. I've thought way too much lately.
Honest question for you guys. Do you think I'm a pushover? Do you guys think I bend too easily when it comes to other people? I mean, sure, I'm a nice guy who loves to help out as much as he can, but do you guys think I do too much sometimes? Like, more than I can handle? Do you think I put myself out there too much without taking myself into consideration? Do I do too much for other people and not enough for myself? Is this a bad thing?
I just don't know anymore.......but I do know that now that I've started thinking about this and deciding more and more, "Hey, maybe I should take a little me time", this apparently is offensive to some people. It's like I'm forbidden from being a little selfish myself. How unfair is that? I mean, seriously! Why shouldn't I be allowed to look out for myself every once in a while?
Again, I'll continue this rant later. | | |
| There's too many sayings out there that describe my views on life, but if I had to pick one that best personifies my views right now, I'd pick a quote from Socrates, the most legendary philosopher in history:
"The wisest person is one who knows that he does not know."
I've made it a point to live by this motto for a long time. It means a great deal to me. It says, "Quit being so damn cocky and admit that there's still things that you can learn." There isn't a single person in this world who can possibly know everything there is to know about the world. NOBODY. This world is always changing, and we're all constantly learning new things about it. If you tell yourself and convince yourself that you know it all, then you're seriously limiting yourself to a world of possibilities. This applies to many different facets of life. I've accepted that a long time ago, and I love it. I love to learn about new and different things. I love seeing what else this world has to offer me. After all, I don't get much time to live here, so why not take it all in now before I leave for good?
I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too! | | |
|
